Confessions of a Stubborn Saved Girl

It is amazing how many people grapple with the concept of forgiveness. The wronged individual often finds it difficult to forgive the transgressor of course, but I strongly suspect that for most individuals, forgiving the self is the hardest thing.

Adrian, I must say, has a marvelous knack of finding gems in blogosphere. Today's precious find was a blog about secrets. The premise is simple: create an artistic confession of your deepest, darkest secret in the form of a postcard, and mail it to a guy named Frank in the US. Frank will then scan and post the confession on his blog for all of blogdom to inspect and react and maybe even secretly tell you it's alright, they've heard of worse things. Or they've secretly done the same. Or better yet... you're forgiven already. Somehow.

The need to be forgiven often surpasses the need to forgive. The biggest problem I have with my salvation and my relationship with God, is living like a person who has already been forgiven by the ONLY force in this world who has the authority to forgive.

I actually contemplated doing up a postcard to mail to Frank. It is such a sexy concept. Somehow, the idea of confessing your darkest sins to the faceless world wide web has such a PURGING element to it. But I guess God already knew that, when James told us to confess our sins one to another so that we may be healed. The problem is, it's so much harder to confess your sins to people who REALLY know you. (I suspect that's why Catholic confession boxes are such popular things.) For one thing, there is this really humbling aspect to 'fessing up to someone as riddled with problems and failings as you are. Besides, who wants to risk being a social pariah once your awful misdeeds are broadcast to people you like, anyway?

I'd wanted to talk about this topic since the last time I came across a website called The Forgiveness Project. Someone was doing something very similar to Frank, in that he would run a free service where people could call his number, leave a verbal confession on the answering machine, and have it transcribed on the website (and broadcast on community radio) later. The confessions, like the one on postsecret, ranged from the trivial to the bizarre. From stealing candy every Friday, to adultery and incest, the confessions were innumerous - and I doubt people could make some of them up. Some were the most painful things to read, the kind of soul-shattering recognition of a dirty doing that needed to be wiped clean from the slate desperately... except these individuals never found an adequate avenue of relief, and temporarily sought relief in an answering machine.

I can't find that website anymore, and I'm quite disappointed because it's almost morbid fascination to have human frailty staring you in the face at every entry. I suspect it's almost cathartic. But I shouldn't go on like this. As an older Christian now, I have to wise up to the fact that I believe in a Christ who can carry my burden because His yoke is easy. And if I truly believe in that, I have to learn to break down my own barriers and come 'fess up to my Creator because he can - or already has - made it better.

So why do I still vacillate between believing that I've been forgiven, and feeling like I'm just fooling myself half the time? O me of little faith...

The Son of Man

I'm probably really slow as far as Christian writings are concerned to give such a late review, but I trust my husband's impeccable taste when it comes to solid books and this one has not been disappointing thus far.

Lee Strobel's quest to unravel the Son of God is fascinating. Try wrapping your hands around The Case for Christ one of these days, whether you're a believer of the Christian God or not. It's rivetting stuff; his writing and thought process is easy to follow, and he adds some personal history and experience as a journalist and formerly atheistic Yale law student that makes the content that much more palpable.

I don't claim to be a guru on the bible by a long shot, but having been a Christian for 14 years and spending 12 years before my baptism listening to bible stories every week, I've started getting comfortable with not questioning certain things.

For instance, what does this oblique 'Son of Man' term mean, anyway? Bestselling former-nun author Karen Armstrong explained the term 'Son of Man' had "simply stressed the weakness and mortality of the human condition"; in so doing, Jesus' frailty as a human being - someone who would suffer and eventually die - was being brought to light (Strobel, L., 1998, p. 29).

The nun's POV may or may not have been part of my understanding of this facet of Christ's nature. The truth of the matter is, I'd never actually questioned it deeply. To call Christ the Son of Man might have simply been one of those Jewish things that happened in biblical times and I had no understanding of it. I think the duality of Christ - God in flesh - was probably the best explanation I could give anyone if I had ever been asked. ("Son of Man = Jesus as a man on earth lor... Son of God=Jesus as God's only begotten Son. Tada!")

In other words, my explanation of the Son of Man could have corroborated with the nun's, 24 hours ago.

But thanks to this wonderful book, my eyes have been opened to a better understanding of Jesus' divine nature. The term 'Son of Man' was part of Daniel's messianic prophecy.

I saw in the night visions, and behold, One like the Son of man came with the clouds of heaven, and came to the Ancient of Days, and they brought Him near before Him.

And dominion and glory was given Him, and a kingdom, that all peoples, nations and languages, should serve Him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion which shall not pass away, and His kingdom that which shall not be destroyed.

Daniel 7:13-14 (Modern King James' Version)

Jesus, in addressing himself as the Son of Man, wasn't referring to his humanity but to his divinity and the fact that he fulfilled scripture. The Jews would have known this straight off; they would have rattled off the words of Daniel over and over and over. I guess that's why it was important to Christ that they acknowledged him as the Son of Man, that they recognised he fulfilled scripture and was authentic. "And coming into the parts of Caesarea Philippi, Jesus asked His disciples, saying, Who do men say Me to be, the Son of Man?" - Matthew 16:13 (MKJV)

I dunno about you, but having that fact sealed today for me, was a treat. It really made me appreciate even more the Christ I worship. Perhaps my mind has been dulled with regards to understanding and KNOWING Christ as a deity. Perhaps all this casual Aussie approach to God as a friend on a chatting basis has helped water down His magnificence for me too. Who knows. I really only have myself to blame.

But yes, reinforcing his Name, his Title, his Nature as something greater than humanity itself, has given me an ephiphany long needed.