Shaking Rights

I really don't have the verses with me right now because I'm typing this from the cushy comfort of my office in school, sans bible. But I thought I'd just type it all out here, before I forget what we discussed last night.

Ian Grant went through the very last two verses in the book of James where we were told that if we turn a straying brother back to the truth, we save that brother's soul from certain death and cover a multitude of sins. I guess I've always managed not to think too much about that verse, until it struck me that we are charged not just to be good and nice to each other, but that a large chunk of what we have to do as loving Christians is to shake sense into an erring brother or sister on occasion.

Now. I'm painfully aware that some are better at admonishing than others. Personally, it's difficult for me to come up to a person and tell them why their behaviour sucks. If and when I DO come to that stage, I'm usually doing it out of anger. Otherwise, if I find someone's doing something wrong and I'm not directly offended by it, I don't automatically think to correct the person so much as to try and sit down and understand where that person is coming from.

That sounds all nice and good, except that it hasn't been effective because I've stopped there. Once I realise that a sister is straying, I usually sit and listen. On occasion, I murmur reason but after that reaped rather extreme responses (I've been told I'm a self-righteous bitch. I've also been informed that I've been referred to as a self-righteous bitch), I started to retreat into this Understanding Buddha-like stance, and have chosen not to give up this position since.

The truth of the matter is, the bible tells us that we are to turn a brother away from his error and that we are to do so in love, but the bible never tells you how much people hate hearing they've fouled up - and will yell at you for bringing up the matter. After being burnt badly a good deal of the time, I just started sitting back and holding their hands and listening.

And guess what. They've strayed even further than ever.

I'm also aware that my bedside manner when admonishing has not been the best. Often, I see the mistake but I'm so keen to prove that I'VE got the better way, that I really DO come across as some high-and-mighty princess on a moral high horse. And really, that can't be farther from the truth with regards to many aspects of my life.

I don't think I've mustered the art of talking out of love. It doesn't come naturally to me - especially if the erring brother or sister has been nasty to me, and wants nothing more than to see me land flat on my face. On gravel. Sliding a little. With no clothes on so everyone can point and laugh and pity my sad estate.

But we're told to do all that, so if I really want to walk the talk, I have to start asking for more real, gritty love in my heart - and the fortitude to call it as it is, when I see something bad happening.

I also need to start loving people for real and not air-kiss them. That's the only way I think I'll learn to respond correctly to sin in others and in myself. That way, I won't BE the self-righteous princess on a soi-disant moral high horse when I open my mouth. That way, I won't bite off the heads of others when they shake me hard and point the way back to the straight and narrow, either.

How to be a Rude Chick

We were going through the book of James when we started talking about examples of how our tongue can get out of control and sin. The most obvious ones were lying and the spread of rumours and deceit, but then I raised the question on sarcasm, and asked if sarcasm can be a form of sin.

I got a resounding 'no' from the room, but I wasn't entirely convinced. You have to understand that when I first got here, I found the Australian sense of humour to be quite sarcastic overall. The Brits have their stiff upper lip and their dry sense of humour. Tony's sense of humour, I realise, is rather like that. The Australian sense of humour, however, is quite patently sarcastic. The Singaporean sense of humour tends to enjoy puns (with so many languages to choose from) and some of it can be situational ("Oh look at that funny dog! HAHAHA!") and not all that witty.

Here's the thing. Not wholly understanding that it's the Australian humour, I got stung quite a few times when I first got to Australia. They were unintentional wisecracks, but sensitive me felt rather foolish at the end of it and had to nervously laugh it off before I grew a thicker hide and realised it's not personal. That's not to say I haven't used sarcasm myself, but I think when I do, it's either to intentionally hurt, or else it's so goofy that it's closer to teasing and irony than it is sarcasm.

Whatever it is, I've made a concerted effort to tone down my sarcastic sense of humour for a few years now, so coming into a culture that uses so much of it to express itself was quite painful to the ears.

I mentioned sarcasm during the lesson because I realised my sense of humour was starting to adapt to my environment, and I unintentionally might have hurt my housemate on Sunday when the words fell over themselves. The punchline I delivered was very good - in fact it was stingingly accurate and delivered with finesse, but the poor darling has repeated the incident to quite a few people and I've started to wonder whether he was trying to work that sting out of his system, hoping it'd dilute with each time he relates how stupid he turned out to be.

And that's when it hit me... it is one thing to be witty, it is one thing to tease... but it's quite something else altogether to be sarcastic. The example I was given in class was that Jesus used sarcasm. Sarcasm, I was told, was more neutral than anything and that it was the way you said it and the intention behind the sarcasm that mattered. This evening at dinner, I was reminded that sarcasm was not necessarily a bad thing, but I was still under a strong hunch that sarcasm actually is sinful.

I checked up the root word for sarcasm, and here's what I found out:

The Greek form of this word, sarkasmos, means "to tear flesh, bite the lips in rage, sneer." And Webster’s dictionary defines sarcasm as "a sharp utterance designed to cut or give pain."

As to the claim that Jesus was sarcastic, I think he was actually being ironic. The word 'irony' actually means "The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning." In Greek, it means 'feigned ignorance'. It is a slightly more neutral word, and does not have the negative connatation that the word 'sarcasm' does.

Why do I bother to go into such detail and word play? Only to understand myself more. I like being the joker and I love laughing and making people laugh, but I want to know that I'm not being a jerk while I'm at it. Knowing that there is a distinct difference between being ironic and being sarcastic is one step towards making sure I know where my boundaries are.

If you're interested in reading up more about sarcasm, you might like to check out this page.

Refreshed and thankful He is Alive

I just got back from the inaugural Canberra Ladies Refresher Day, and it was worth the lack of sleep. I really must say I had an edifying time, and was rather ashamed when people came up to me to thank me for organising this, because really, I was quite slack compared to Liz and Gloriae who were rushing around. It's interesting... I think back on all the youth camps that I used to help organise with the guys, and how I'd be in the thick of things. Now, thanks to these two highly capable women who know the ins and outs of the campsite and how things are done, I was really more of the Mary who sat around and chatted to the others, while they got things organised. And I'm not saying this in a good way about me. I really felt I wasn't pulling my weight as an organiser after a while!

Slept in a room with a heater that glowed bright orange (lots of promise) but didn't emit heat which could travel beyond 15cm. To my bemusement, I had not realised that Greenhills provides electric blankets, until I packed to leave this morning.

There were so many mini lessons I learnt, that I'm not quite sure what to touch on here. The theme of the retreat was 'A Personal Walk with God', and it focused on how to achieve it, how people developed a good habit of continually having quality God-and-me time, and what they did to continue that conversation in times of upheaval, be it change of house and school, visitors coming to town, travelling and getting married/divorced/coping with death/illness.

I wasn't attached to a group, but walked around to listen in on others, and it really heartened me that solid women of the faith also struggle to find the time to read the Word and veg out with God. The conclusion some groups came to was really, "Just make the most of every opportunity you can. Look at your day, no matter how unpredictable and packed, and think 'How can I steal away to have a moment with my God?"

Some likened it to being in love, and wanting to spend every spare moment with that person, even if it's for a short time. That was the kind of attitude we started encouraging each other to have, I suppose... We're to love God, and part of that means looking forward to being with him, and having him constantly on our minds.

That really spoke to me. We didn't cover this passage at all during the retreat, but I'm reminded of Paul when he said that one who is unmarried is concerned with the things of the Lord, whereas one who is married is concerned about how to please his wife. (1 Cor 7)

I'm not married to Tony, but he is on my mind constantly whether I mean to think of him or not... I wondered a few times today, for example, whether he had gotten the cake I had arranged to be sent to him, and whether he liked it or was embarrassed. (I pretend to take great delight in embarrassing him, but really I just want him to feel loved and appreciated.) I try to think of Godly stuff, and how to treat people in a Godly way, or how to carry myself in a Godly manner, but that just proves that I know of Him, and I don't know Him yet. (It's been 13 years! You would think something's changed!) I don't think of God wholly as an entity sometimes... more like a set of principles to follow and live righteously by. It's such a simple concept - that our God is Alive - and yet I find such difficulty living as though He Is!

So when we sing that God is the great I Am, when we praise his name and remember he is YHWH... there is so much to that, which I'm only beginning to get a proper inkling of.

I guess it's better late than never.

Apologetic Apologist

We are told to be ready to give the reason concerning the hope within us. But the key to that challenge is to do so with meekness and fear.

How difficult that is when you're burning to correct a wrong!

I just wrote a 2,600 word rebuttal to a professed atheist who doesn't believe in Christianity and in legal marriages. It had been in response to his rebuttal in a to and fro we've been having recently. I had assumed he was a believer of God the first time round, and spoke to him like one. He did not respond in kind.

I wrote those 2,600 words with the determination not to ridicule him, but just to clarify statements he had made on the bible, certain Christian practices, and the relevance of Christianity in this day and age. I kept thinking, "don't preach, don't preach!" but I fear I might have run the risk of doing so anyway, because as Ben's blog head reads, "How can I keep from singing?"

I write this now because I haven't posted the response on his webpage. I balked because I started to doubt my motives. There's this weird sense of satisfaction in having finished writing, as if I've gained some odd prize. Which is silly because in all seriousness, I don't think he will be persuaded so soon. Firstly, I don't give the harvest, and secondly, I haven't been doing a fantastic job of sowing either. In fact, I wrote not to persuade so much, as to defend the faith.

But also, I wonder as to my real motives for writing that tome. I suspect he hurt my pride, and I was writing also to assuage myself that I got "the real story out". Even if the case is that I feel that way to a lesser degree, I think it's cause enough for me to consider my motives.

On the other hand, I got a reminder this week that even when Christ is preached from envy and strife (Phil 1:15), the Gospel will still be preached. In every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed.

So what I've done is left the ball in his court. Darcy, if you're readng this, and you're still interested in reading my rebuttal, just understand that the arguments are valid, even if my manner of giving them isn't in meekness as it should be.

Joyless Humour

We are to "count it all joy" when we fall into various trials. That is the challenge and the exaltation presented to us in the book of James. That is the challenge extended to me.

I consider myself a generally upbeat person. I get bogged down on occasion and then there's the usual stresses of life... but I wouldn't call myself a huge grouch.

But then I had a really lousy year on all counts in 2002. I was spiritually very low, which affected me emotionally and then physically. On top of work stress, I was going through a series of emotionally-draining relationships. I also allowed the problems to "dry up my bones" and take me away from spiritual things. I became more easily irritable and secular in my thinking, but the worst thing that happened to me was my sense of self-worth. It took such a beating because I couldn't see any way of getting myself out of the mire. I was caught in spiritual turmoil - on the one hand I knew the way home, and on the other hand I was too weak and stubborn to want to turn back. The more I saw myself drifting away from the ideal of a child of God, the less I believed I could get back on track, and the more I started perpetuating the secular self.

I started to swear when I was highly strung, which became a weekly affair seeing how everything was beginning to look unmanageable and dramatic. I was probably bordering on rather restrained hysteria; I blamed people who were least likely to be the cause of my trouble, and I surrounded myself with people who were willing to agree with me.

Here's the crunch: I never cried. I even laughed and could make light of things. I would relate my pain to those closest to me with such macabre and audacious humour, that they were soon laughing with me. I never stopped going to church, never stopped doing work for the assembly, and continued teaching classes. I took notes at sermons, fellowshipped with the brethren and remained very numb, with a ready smile on my face.

But I was never joyful. If anything, the conflict I had within myself - the flesh vs the spirit - came to such a head that friends closest to me became disillusioned with what the gospel was all about. They started to tell me things like, "I'm mad with your church because they will probably judge you and not understand," or "That's why I'm not a Christian... if you were a heathen like me, this would not be a problem." (Yes, they actually call themselves Heathens when they want to tease me about the faith.)

One of the things I am repentant about now... one of the things I continually bash my head with a stick for... one of the things that makes me doubt sometimes as to whether I have been truly forgiven for sins past, is the fact that I was such a lousy testimonial to the healing powers and righteousness of the church and God. If I had more faith, more humility, more wisdom, more JOY... God could have used me to demonstrate how attractive and comforting his promises are, when crisis strikes.